The most important thing you need to read before we get too deep in the holiday season…

In the book How To Be Old there is an epilogue containing information on “aging subjects” that didn’t get a chapter of their own.  One of those subjects is how to handle the insincere year-end greetings of “Are you ready for Christmas?” and “How was your Christmas?”

Not everybody has Hallmark holiday seasons.  There are many lonely people whose loneliness is magnified at year’s end.  There are many depressed people who will be more depressed in December than in June.  There are people who will overconsume alcohol in December, over spend and put themselves into family situations that would be better left avoided.

I’ve had amazing holiday seasons.  When I was young and together with my parents and brothers, our holiday season began before Thanksgiving and went well into January.  My mother was Serbian and we celebrated the American and Serbian holidays.  When I was with my long-term girlfriend and her young daughter, I was able to see the holidays through the eyes of a child.  That child, now 24 years of age, put up with repeated stories of holiday seasons of my youth.  It was fun to take her ice skating, shopping, and to see the model train exhibit at the Carnegie Science Center.  I’ve also woken up on five different Christmas mornings in Cuba.  I don’t have the proper words to describe Christmas in Cuba—you’re going to have to enjoy that unique experience on your own.  

I’ve also had some not-so-great holiday seasons.  I’ve had year ends when things weren’t going my way.  Business was nonexistent, I was mired in a deep case of Writer’s Block and my personal life was on the shelf.  After a few times of “over-ing” (alcohol, spending, unhealthy behavior) I began to use those seasons as a platform to review the positive things I did during the previous year, the things I could have done better and then to get a game plan together for the next year.  Those holiday seasons were turned from a negative into a positive.

Doug Hoerth was a long-time radio talk show host in Pittsburgh.  He worked on every radio station that had a talk show format.  He shared stories of his personal life, his battle with alcohol (which he won), his love of movies and always had insightful commentary on current events.  One year he talked about sitting in his apartment on Christmas Eve listening to Christmas music on his headphones.  He told the audience that he had tears running down his face.  His family was gone, he had no significant other and he was alone on Christmas Eve.  But he wasn’t sad.  He was thinking great thoughts of the Christmases of his youth.  He said the feeling he had, even with the tears, was one of bittersweetness.  His memories helped him get through the season.

“Are you ready for Christmas?” is an inane question.  What does it even mean?  If people ask that question of me, I tend to reply that I most certainly am not ready and that Christmas will be delayed until I am ready.  That question takes a backseat to “And how was your Christmas?”  When I hear that question asked, I’ve never heard a reply in the negative.  I’ve heard the answer “Quiet” many times, meaning that the respondent had nowhere to go on Christmas Day.

I have a client who owns a diner.  I go to the diner a few times per week for breakfast.  There was a young guy named Carl who was there from time to time.  Carl was a gentle soul but he was an alcoholic and he was homeless.  He would bus tables in exchange for a meal.  One year, I was in the diner a few days after Christmas.  Carl was at the counter.  A diner regular was sitting a few stools away.  He asked Carl how his Christmas was.  Carl’s reply: “I’m an alcoholic and I’m homeless.  How do you think my Christmas was?”  I enjoyed my diner conversations with Carl.  They weren’t about his preparedness for Christmas or a review of how he spent the 25^th day of December.  Our conversations were about growing up, his skills working on cars and life in general. 

If your holiday season is not like the ones in Tyler Perry movies or the dozens of TV commercials we’re about to be flooded with, do what I’ve done.  Recap the positive things you did in the previous 12 months and get your game plan ready for the next year.  Enjoy the good memories of the Christmases you had when you were young and your family was together.  Don’t let the advertising industry’s unrealistic view of Christmas impact yours.

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A few years ago, Carl was hit by a car on West Carson Street.  He died in the hospital a few days later.  Except for the occasional mention of him at the diner, Carl is largely forgotten.  But he doesn’t have to be.  Maybe he will be the catalyst that gets people to think twice before asking others how their Christmas was.  Think about Carl before asking somebody if they’re ready for Christmas and how their Christmas was.  That will be Carl’s legacy.

Click here to read Ken’s tribute to diners.