One might think it odd that I’m writing about parenting as I have no children. I do have a stepdaughter with whom I have a great relationship. When I was engaged, my girl and I were pregnant. But there was a miscarriage. So, while I have no children, I did think long and hard about what it would be like to be a parent when I was a younger person.

There are things that happened in my young life that I thought would be great to share as a combination of story and lesson. There are certain books I read that I thought would be great to share with my future children. There were movies I watched that I knew would be great to share with those children at important junctures in their lives. What better movie to share with young men and women who are developing a libido and dealing with young romance and out-of-control hormones than the classic Splendor in the Grass? (If you haven’t watched this movie with a young Warren Beatty and the beautiful Natalie Wood, your life is less complete than it should be.).

While I gave thought to being a parent as a young man, what I didn’t recognize until later in life is how beautiful it is when two people decide to become Parents—and put up with all the noise that comes with it. I think about my parents. Agreeing to raise three boys in a small house that was filled with arguments, fights, sports equipment, and one television. I share that I developed my skills as a wrestler by grappling with my brothers for control of the TV. My father traded his ambition for a steady paycheck. He went down the road of underemployment as a sacrifice for his boys. My parents (between refereeing their sons’ fights) dragged those boys to various sporting events and doctor’s offices. The middle son was the one engaged with the medical profession the most. Bad feet, bad eyes, and a spinal fusion at the age of 16. I never realized how much stress I caused my parents until I became older and acquired the objectivity that comes with age.

I was friends with some fellows who were great in bars and clubs. They had the look, the talk, and the swag. But all those fellows “approached and opened” a young woman they saw somewhere and “advanced their cause” to the point they got married and made the decision to become a Parent and take on the financial, physical, and emotional cost that comes with that role.

I was once with a friend at Froggy’s. His resume from that bar is more impressive than most. I was talking with him one Friday afternoon when a beautiful blonde with cherry red lipstick, wearing a tight white blouse, curve-hugging blue jeans, and black heels (not that I remember that well), walked into the middle of our conversation and asked my friend if he would like to meet her. Has that ever happened to you? Me, neither (at least not in this country).

But that friend found his other half and quit the clubs. He has been in a long-term marriage for many years. He and his wife have three children and zero divorces between them.

I came up in the era of inflation. From 1970 to 1982, the inflation rate averaged 7.75%, twice its historic average. Four of those years were double-digit. Even with that pressure, I cannot remember one time my parents complained about the cost of things and all the bills they had to pay. They didn’t let the economic circumstances prevent their boys from being boys.

I also can’t remember my father missing a baseball game. He was a manager, coach, or spectator. I don’t think he missed any of the games that any of his sons played. What makes that feat more interesting is that my father worked shifts at the gas company. There were plenty of 4-12 and 12-8 shifts during baseball season.

Here are the two most important jobs of a parent:

Number One: Most important job of a parent is to let their kids be the age they are. Or, let your kids be kids. Adulthood comes around fast enough. Why hurry the process?

Number Two: Make sure you do what is required to prepare your children for life when you’re not here. Leave them a good memory. That is the true afterlife—the love, influence, memories, and inspirations you leave behind. You have eternal life as long as your children (and others) still talk about you, think about you and are influenced by the path you took.

Endnotes: Because I grew up in a neighborhood and in an era where the families around me and my relatives were all two-parent households, I once thought you needed that type of structure to raise a child. But I’ve changed my thinking. I grew up with many people who had that type of household and still found their way into a life of wasted potential, overdrinking, drug use, intermittent employment, etc. And I know people who grew up in single-parent households who are well grounded, stable, successful and happy. As a reader and writer, I would say if the child learns to read early and read well, and the one parent raising them stresses education and gives them equal doses of independence and protection, that individual has a better foundation than in a two-parent household that doesn’t provide those things.

I recently heard about a young father who set up an email account for his four-year old daughter. He sends emails to the account detailing what he and her did on certain days, where they went, discoveries they shared and interesting things that happened. His plan is to write emails to the account until his daughter turns 18 and then give her the ID and Password.

Can you imagine a better gift to receive or to give than that?