I’ll be attending a high school reunion this summer.  I’m going to provide insight into how to prepare for a reunion and how to act when you’re at the event(s).

What are my credentials for writing such an essay?  No. 1: I went to high school—a high school with a graduating class of 972 students.  No. 2: I was on the 20th reunion committee after our high school lost our class roster.  We had to resurrect the list of classmates with current contact information by making phone calls and mailing letters.  No. 3: I have attended seven school reunions. No. 4: I am the author of books titled How To Be Old, Parts One and Two.  Part One has a section in the epilogue about high school reunions.  Some of what you are about to read is in that book.  No. 5: I am the author of an essay titled “September of My Hair” (w/ tribute to Frank Sinatra’s “September of My Years”).  I wrote that essay many years ago, after I started swimming.  I wondered what the chlorine would do to my hair.  I wasn’t 35 years of age when I wrote that essay.  I wondered what would happen to my hair.  I’ve seen different things happen to the hairline, color and amount of hair of my classmates and my own.

The main thing you must remember and pay homage to in advance of attending any type of reunion is that the Genetic Lottery affects us all.  The physical appearance of classmates is a natural and way too popular topic of discussion.  If you see a classmate who looks good, you may say to them “Wow!  You look great!” but you will not say to a classmate who doesn’t look good, “Wow!  You look terrible!”  But the issue is that some classmates will share that opinion with other classmates.  Most of what you look like is beyond your control.  It may be that at the moment of conception your DNA future (and appearance) was mapped for you.  Beyond that, you don’t know what stress levels, illnesses, child issues, etc. a classmate has had when you see them.  Be kind—and be aware of the importance of the Genetic Lottery.

That being said, I remember at the 20th year reunion, it was easy to spot who had been smoking cigarettes since the 11th grade.  Those who sped up the aging process with cigarettes, drugs and/or excessive alcohol were easy to identify.

I always share that I went to a school with students who were exceptional in academics, the arts, and athletics—with the right number of “stoners” thrown in for the fun.  In describing the varied classmates from my school, I always list sports third.  We had students who achieved success in business, law, medicine, and government.  I’m happy for those classmates.  And it doesn’t bother me one bit if they come to a reunion and share their success with others in a slightly boastful way.  But the key word is slightly.  And while we have to realize that we all age and our appearance changes in different ways, we should also realize that “Time, place and circumstance happen to us all.”  There is one type of classmate that I’m glad has had success post-high school and returns to a reunion to talk about it.  And that is the classmate who didn’t have the easiest time going through school, may have been bullied a bit, tough home life (although we really wouldn’t know that), no girlfriends and limited school activities.  Let them talk about their success.  Ironic thing is that maybe their high school experiences gave them motivation and incentive to study harder, work harder and take business chances.  Their success may be an indirect result of their high school life.

On the other side of that fence, there will be people coming to the reunion who had an easier time in school.  Good looking, talented at sports, no shortage of girlfriends (or boyfriends) and popular or semi-popular.  But life hasn’t really worked out for these people.  They will attend the reunion with the attitude that they should resume the same social level they enjoyed in high school, even if the event they’re attending is 30, 40 or even 50 years from high school.

We had a class of 972 people.  The research we’ve done shows less than 70 classmates have passed on.  With those numbers, I’m disappointed by the number of people who come to a reunion.  We’ve never had more than 125 people (including spouses).  Because this reunion is a big one for us (the 50th) I have high hopes that the attendance will be close to 200 people.

We came of age when alcohol was our drug of choice.  We had many half barrel parties at the homes of students whose parents were out of town.  The first few reunions (which I did not attend) were multi-barrel parties.  I consumed alcohol at the reunions I’ve attended.  The day after each reunion I attended, I woke up in a depressive state.  My depression came from the realization that we will never have that year reunion again, and the fact that alcohol acts as a depressant.  Another contributing factor for my depression: witnessing the high school-like behavior of some of my classmates.  While appearances changed, the treatment of some of my classmates to others hadn’t.  I heard, saw and witnessed some classless actions among a select few people I went to school with.

But there will be no alcohol for me at this two-night event.  And I would suggest the same for you.  I don’t need to consume alcohol to enjoy the conversation with people who have been part of my life for a long time—even if I only see them every five or ten years.  I won’t need to use alcohol to interact with females whose images were on my mind as I drifted off to sleep during junior and senior high school.

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I think that in your lifetime there may be less than 10 teachers who have a memorable and life altering impact on you.  One of my ten was Mr. James McMillan.  He was my sixth-grade teacher and my first male teacher.  He had been on the swimming team at Thiel College and he drove a cool two-door Ford Falcon.  

Mr. McMillan told the class about a party he attended.  Upon entry, you were given a badge with the letter “I” on it.  There was a contest.  How long could you go in conversation without saying the word “I”?  If somebody said “I” to you in conversation, you got their badge.  Most badges at the end of the night wins. (I’ve often wondered if the first-place prize was that cool Ford Falcon).

I will adhere to the message in Mr. McMillan’s story as close as possible.  It will be tough for me because I like to share stories about my travels, creations, adventures and insights.  I’ll attend the reunion events and will not consume alcohol.  I will try to listen twice or thrice as much as I talk.

The only negative to my plan is that I will not be driving home in a Ford Falcon.